Coming Home

“All journeys eventually end in the same place, home.” (Chris Geiger)

I got up this morning a little before 3. I dressed and put all last minute things in my bag and said a silent goodbye to the apartment. I got in the car and semi slept on the way to the airport. The lines were really long for checking bags and going through security so by the time I made it through I only had 10 minutes to use the bathroom and get some snacks before I boarded the plane. I shared a row with a girl and we had an empty middle seat so we both spread out and slept most of the way. My layover in Warsaw was a little under 4 hours so I got food and played on my computer. But mostly I thought. We boarded the plane and took off.

I am now on my last plane. This flight that will finally take me home after almost 9 months away. I started talking to the girl sitting next to me and when I took a step back and listened to myself I could see how much I had changed. It isn’t in one big way or even a few medium ways, more like a ton of really tiny things. For example, things have come to mean less and less to me. Materials and objects are like security blankets, especially technology. I really love having a laptop to check my facebook and to blog, but I know I can just as easily live with my journal and go to an internet café when necessary. Not having a phone is annoying but really liberating at the same time. Before this trip I was attached to my phone. When it rang or buzzed I answered immediately. Now I think if my phone rings when I am eating with my family I can wait.

After all of my experiences I feel like the world is a lot bigger and smaller than I thought. It is smaller because no matter where you are you can always find a place to stay, a decent meal, and some tourists to talk to. Whether you are in Bangkok or Siem Reap you are never really lost and can always find your way if you look for it. However, now that I have been to a few places in Asia I really recognize how much of the world I haven’t seen and how many new places I want to experience. It is crazy to think that I have been gone for so long and still have seen so little of my world.

I have also learned that I have been too hard on my own country. I am always the first one to say that I dislike America when the truth is that I have not only taken for granted so many rights that I have, but I also sound like a damn fool. How can I possibly appreciate the world and the other countries I have visited when I can’t even appreciate my own? That is why this summer I am planning on playing tourist and going to really see Philadelphia and New York. As an American I am just used to having so many things come naturally (wifi, hot showers, toilet paper, and clean drinking water to name a few things) and after really getting to see that so much of my world lives without electricity for so much of the day (as well as so many other things) I think I need to be thankful. There are many things about my country I don’t like, but I don’t think it will hurt to acknowledge the good things as well.

One of my biggest fears about going home is that once the magic is over I will loose some of the amazing people I met along the way. Long distance relationships are hard and I am afraid that once life gets back to normal I won’t hear from some of my new friends. They are the people who understand my love for this crazy wonderful thing called travel. I love my friends that I have but unfortunately not many of them know this life style. What if no one understands me and how I feel? Who will still want to listen to me talk about travel after I have been home for a month? Everyone else has a job and I am still in Wanderland.

Another fear: I don’t really know what I am doing with my life. I haven’t even gotten home yet and already I have been asked this question so many times. I have a few answers prepared:

Opening a school for kids who don’t read good

Becoming a foot model
Going to the Moon

Joining the circus

Converting to Hinduism

Learning to tap dance

In other words…I don’t know yet! I refused to be pressured by others to make a quick decision (I am hard enough on myself)! So instead of desperately grasping for anything that comes my way to help me make a decision I am going to think about what I have learned over the past few months to help me:

I am braver than I think

Not all people are kind, but the ones who are, are worth holding on to

The world is big and small at the same time

Alone time is a blessing…but not for too long

A warm shower and air conditioning are luxuries

I love working with children

Reading keeps me sane

I don’t always know when to trust someone and when they are making excuses, but I am working on it

How to let things go (getting better at this…still working on it)

How to love myself

I may have wasted 9 months traveling (as many people not so subtly told me), but I think the list above makes it worth it.

So as I near my destination (I have about 3 and a half hours left on the plane…with no tv I may add!) I am happy and sad, scared and excited, and confused and calm. I hope that no matter where or when my next adventure is that I remember all the wonderful things that I have learned. Over the next few months when I am attempting to merge my two lives (American and Asian) together I continue to:

Take off my shoes while eating

Not pick up my phone the second it rings

Not waste water

Be incredibly thankful for washing machines

Love and appreciate my country and the people around me

I don’t know if I am completely ready to be on my way home, but in my heart it feels right, and after everything I have seen and been through I know that I can always trust myself.

Signed,

Home Is Where the Heart Is